10 Years Later - Celebrating the Great Depression Part I
12 Lessons from me
As the title for this piece flowed from my pencil I greeted it with a wry smile.
"The Great Depression?" I could feel my head cock to the side like masterful interviewers do just before they ask the same question again. They know their guest held back on the first reply, and it's time to dig deeper and uncover the real story.
The great depression of 10 years ago? Who are you kidding hunny you are currently journeying through the “great(est) depression” of your life to date.
Your 2013 experience of depression was just the first one of magnitude status you acknowledged.
That you named.
That you allowed yourself to feel
The picture above was taken as the sun rose over Ko Tao, Thailand in April 2013.
I remember thinking as I caught that image through my lens how beautiful, peaceful and calm it was. It was everything I wasn't inside.
Inside I was overwhelmed. Burnout. Stressed. Heartbroken from the breakdown of both romantic and family relationships. I was experiencing depression and didn't realise it, (read) I wasn't ready to admit it yet.
This picture was taken at what I presented to people as the first stop of my ultimate vacay. One that would take me through Thailand, Hong Kong, Sydney, San Francisco and New York.
In some respects, it wasn't a lie. That was the trip of a lifetime. But one in which I was a fugitive. On the run in more ways than one from my life and the turmoil I thought I could leave behind.
But you can't just leave your troubles neatly piled on the shelf as you roll your best bits up and stuff them in your backpack. Your troubles come with you too.
There are still many parts of my story I've yet to unpack and heal from. & other parts where healing (thankfully) has come.
Today I wanted to share with you 12 lessons my experiences with depression have taught me so far…
For full context, I am currently two (notable) years into a huge life transition for me.
2022 was a year of wintering and the great(est) depression for me. It was the first time I truly, honestly allowed myself to sit in the discomfort of change. To not only acknowledge the messy middle of change but embrace it.
& herein lies lesson one…
Lesson I - Feel Your Feelings, Especially the MESSY Ones.
You can try all you want to bury your feelings so deep inside of you. To layer on top of them work, food, cocktails, sex, shopping (insert your tonic of choice here). But one day they are going to surface they are going to boil over like an unwatched pan.
I got so used to masking my messing layers. Thinking it was for the greater good. Enabling me to be the strong one, the dependable one, the “together” one!
When in fact it was making me more fragile. Weighing me down with a heaviness that was serving no one especially myself.
Sure being messy is far from palatable. It makes others uncomfortable. Hell, it makes ourselves uncomfortable.
But showing up as your messy, truly authentic self, is one of the most rewarding and healing things you can do for yourself.
Lesson II - Self-Care is Seasonal
Self-care is not an item to mechanically check through on a list of life to-dos, that is copied and pasted week to week. Our needs change. Our inner and external worlds change and sometimes the things that once provided us with comfort become heavy.
As you move through each season of your life, I encourage you to continue to review which of your rituals are truly working well for you. If, they are bringing you joy and peace brilliant! Keep doing what you're doing.
But if they are causing you to feel overwhelmed, anxious, full of shoulds or leave you feeling drained because your energy levels have changed, then let them go!
Shed them like the trees shed their leaves in autumn. It doesn't mean that you’re inconsistent or have failed at self-care. It just means that this is not the season for that ritual to grow. It needs to make way for something else to blossom with ease and joy.
Lesson III - The only peace you need to protect is your own
When you’re holding your tongue, shrinking yourself, and not honouring your boundaries in order to “protect the peace” you're doing the exact opposite and causing the worst kind of unrest -internal unrest that comes from not honouring yourself.
That my friend is not peaceful.
Lesson IV - Learning the difference between movement being medicine and (over) dosing yourself on endorphins is tricky - stay mindful.
This lesson is very much a WIP. I’m a huge believer that you need to move for your mind. Movement can improve your mood and elevate some of the symptoms of depression and as with art, I find it a therapeutic release. But it is not therapy.
There have been parts of my life when I turned to exercise in lieu of therapy. I found it so easy to get lost in the workout endorphin clouds and think great ✅ job done I’ve looked after my wellbeing today. Ha how wrong I was that was just the tip of the iceberg
Lesson V - Before the Bloom, Comes the Burn!
There comes a time when in order to bloom, (or simply survive!), we have to make a change. Walk away. Burn it all down, so we can rebuild. Don’t fear the striking of the match but instead let the embers of the fire stoke your new desires.
Lesson VI - Active Mediation is Queen
For me, active mediation will always be QUEEN. Finding true stillness doesn't always come from being stationary and still. There used to be a huge part of me (sometimes there still is part of me) that would be so fearful of tuning into and listening to my own thoughts, then pair that with being stationary or for want a better word seated mediation was just an absolute NO-GO.
Whereas exploring active meditation which for me looked like harnessing art and creative play allowed me to remove some of the friction I felt around “mediation”. By busying my hands I was finding stillness within and in turn, quietening down the noise of my worlds and connecting to myself.
It is so empowering when you find the activities that allow you to really be with yourself and support you to not only strengthen hearing your own voice but enable you to be comfortable tuning into your thoughts. & those thoughts don't always have to be about the lower seasons of mental health. The things you might be ruminating on that lead to you feeling anxious or depressed.
Sometimes it's about getting comfortable leaning into your aspirations for great joy and dreaming big without any barriers at all.
Or noticing when and where you feel joy already within yourself.
Any activity that allows you to tune into that is why for me active meditation will forever be my queen.
Creative play will always be my leading lady for active meditation but other examples include dancing, walking, cooking playing a musical instrument,
Lesson VII - Heartbreak will come in many forms
Allow yourself the time you need to grieve the end of a relationship, no matter its nature: romantic, familial, friendship, or work (though maybe that last one is less about work and more about the dream the work represented). You invested your emotions and time into the relationship, and it's okay to feel sad when that chapter comes to a close. More needs to be said about how some of the greatest heartbreaks of your life will come from non-romantic relationships.
Lesson VIII - True strength comes from vulnerability and courage
Outside of the Insta-glam filters, “cool” memes and quirky podcast titles, there is still so much stigma and shame around going to therapy and being the type of person that “needs” therapy. Especially within certain communities.
Going to therapy is one of the most naked experiences you will ever have in your life.
It takes COURAGE to not just walk through that door once, but continue to repeatedly walk through that door and sit there naked. With all of your hopes, your dreams, your, shame your anger, resentment, disappointment. Joy. Not just laid out in front of you but laid out in front of and witnessed by another.
The courage it takes to do that. To sit there. Is something to celebrate.
Lesson IX - Burnout comes in many forms.
Burnout is often associated with being overworked, and while that is certainly true, there are other, more nuanced types of burnout that we need to shed light on.
You can experience emotional burnout when you live for long periods of time out of alignment with your core values or from unresolved grief.
People can burn you out! Be mindful of those who take more energy than they give.
Lesson X - Release into art
Art allows you to lose yourself and find yourself. Take time out to create. Allow yourself to just be and create for pleasure without pressure.
Each stitch, every coil of clay, and every brushstroke you make is a loving act of self-care that signals to yourself that you matter.
If you’re not sure where to start, start with some clay (or borrow some playdough from the little ones in your life). I always feel so much lighter after some clay play. There is nothing like scrunching and kneading sometimes bashing the tension out of my body and releasing it into clay.
Lesson XI - Protect your energy
Protecting your energy is an intention that should guide you through all seasons of your wellbeing especially the lower seasons of your mental health
During those lower seasons giving yourself permission to slow down and pause when it feels like the rest of the world is operating with more ease and flow than you can be difficult. But stay focused on you and your needs.
My two top tips
SCHEDULE YOUR REST. - Give yourself as much (if not MORE) energy as you outpour to others.
Put your self-care in someone else's HANDS
Rather than trying to go it alone, put your care in someone's else hands by making self-care dates. This can look like booking a gym class, scheduling a facetime with a friend, or going to a workshop.
By showing up for the teacher/your friend/your host you're really showing up for YOURSELF.
Because they give you back the gift of time. Time to recharge. Time to check in on yourself. Time to take of yourself.
Lesson XII - Don’t seek happiness seek joy
Happiness is reactionary, whereas joy is a state of being. Joy can be cultivated and can co-exist no matter how you’re feeling or what’s going on around you.
Where we find joy doesn't have to be in a grandiose place. It can be in the smallest of places. Freshly laundered sheet, a nourishing home-cooked meal, the scent of your favourite flowers.
In times of deep sorrow and hardship let joy be your north star, seek out the joy in the small let it be the light of home that leads you home to yourself.
A Bonus Lesson - Not everything has to be a breakdown to be a breakthrough
Avoid the vortex of self-help and healing. You are not a renovation project in need of constant fixing.
Before I sign off I want to remind you to move through this week (and all weeks) with care and compassion, for yourself and those around you.
Envelop yourself in rest and self-care.
Take the space you need. Reach out to friends loved ones or professionals if you need a listening ear. I'll share some resources below
If you are feeling overwhelmed and struggling to cope with your mental health then text SHOUT to 85258 and a trained crisis volunteer will text you back. You can reach out 24/7 and this service is completely free
Samaritans Call 116 123 24/7
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